The Wolowitz Predicament
by Edelstein's Cup Of Coffee
Summary: A seemingly ordinary afternoon takes a (humorous) turn when Sheldon is reminded of past events.


After a morning full of work, Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz, and Rajesh Koothrappali got their trays of food and sat down in CalTech's cafeteria.

The four friends ate in silence before Raj spoke up.

"So Howard," he said, initiating conversation, "how are things going with you and Bernadette lately?"

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest. "Great, actually. I bought her this cosplay-"

Raj cut him off, turning to Sheldon. "So Sheldon, how have _you _been?"

He frowned. "Koothrappali, I harbor no knowledge of the accepted social conventions in India, but here, I have gathered that it is rude to interrupt."

Said astrophysicist ground his teeth. "Dude, I did that so you wouldn't be scarred for life, or longer. You know how freaky Howard gets with roleplay and costumes at times."

"HEY!" The offended engineer looked up.

"Don't get defensive, it's true and you know it," Leonard chimed in.

Sheldon ignored him. "Point taken. Anyhow, let's return to the discussion at hand. I_ was_ arbitrarily okay a moment ago. However, it has come to mind that I have not yet found concrete proof for string theory, and that triggered a certain memory." He pointedly looked back at his roommate.

Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose. "And how is it my fault you couldn't find magnetic monopoles on the North Pole?"

"Good lord, Leonard Hofstadter. If it were not for you, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali's trickery, I wouldn't be as upset. Just think; I could have won a NOBEL PRIZE!" He grimaced.

Howard faced the physicist. "Look, I know I was a putz."

"And me, an douchebag," Raj said.

"And me, an overall asshole," Leonard added.

"But come on, we meant it as a joke and nothing more. We had no idea you would be THAT upset. Besides, that was such a long time ago-"

Sheldon interjected. "No idea? None at all? And 'such a long time ago?'" He made quotation marks with his hands. "It isn't the time that matters, but the issue itself. In addition, if you did not know I'd be upset to some degree, you might as well be, as urban slang dictates, 'wasted.' You have known for a very long time that I'm passionate about this field of study. Did you not read my papers and/or listen to my discussions?"

Howard was quick to counter him."You mean the ones where I daydreamed about your twin sister?" Before the physicist could respond, he added, "That was a rhetorical question, it was all of them."

He nearly dropped his fork.

"Gently apply ice to the burn ..." Raj muttered to Leonard, stifling his laughter.

Chuckling, the other man grinned. "This is gonna be hilarious."

Narrowing his eyes, Sheldon retaliated. "Get a _doctorate,_ Wolowitz. And a predictable agenda. Then we will pick up from where we left off on this subject matter."

Wolowitz laughed loudly. "A 'predictable agenda?' Don't make me laugh. You spend your days, slaving away at what's in your comfort zone. Meanwhile, there's me, a man of life and unpremeditated actions. Whether it be going out on a Saturday night, or spending time with my _non-prudish_ wife, unlike your girlfriend, I have fun."

"How dare you?! Amy is no such thing. And what exact places are you going out to? Before responding, your preferred synagogue does not count. After all, you did say _Saturday_."

The statement garnered a collective cheer from Leonard and Raj. "OHH!"

Thoroughly outwitted, Howard glared at Sheldon. "We'll talk at dinner." He promptly stood up, threw away his trash, and stalked off.

After a few moments, Leonard spoke up.

"Way to go, Sheldon," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You drove away WOLOWITZ of all people."

"It's great not to have that imbecile around, isn't it?" Sheldon grinned, pleased with himself.

His friend faceplanted into the table. "That was SARCASM!"

Raj shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I have to go. I promised my parents I would Skype them at 12:30, and it is 12:24." He gathered his belongings, pushing his chair back.

"No Raj, don't leave me alone with- NOO!" Leonard audibly groaned as Raj speed-walked out of the cafeteria.

Sheldon looked at Leonard. "It seems as if I am, as you would say, 'stuck with me.'"

"Indeed." The physicist scowled at the table. Then, an idea planted itself in his mind. _'I can leave too,' _he thought_. 'Then I can catch up with Howard and talk things out with him. Plus, I'll be away from this menace!'_

"Uh, Sheldon, I just remembered, Penny wanted me to see her at work around this time. So I'll be leaving." He hurriedly got up.

"Wait!" Sheldon said.

"_What do you want_?!" Leonard, now utterly exasperated, yelled.

"I don't drive."

"I'll pick you up at 3." He ran out at a speed comparable to that of the Flash.

Upon reaching the parking lot, the physicist stopped, breathing in the tension-free air. Pulling out his car keys, he walked to his car. "Now to find Howard," he mumbled. Glancing around, he spotted the engineer by his motorcycle, his back turned.

"Oh, hey!" Leonard strolled over. "I'm sorry that Sheldon-" His words hitched in his throat, as he realized him and Bernadette were in the midst of fiercely kissing.

'I guess she surprised him at work today,' He thought, awkwardly shifting his feet back and forth.

"Uh ... I'll leave you two alone." He broke into a sprint back to his vehicle.

Once he was safely in the front seat with his seat belt on, he blinked once, twice, thrice.

"The hell did I just see ..." he mused. Then he thought for a minute or two. "Well, this is Wolowitz I'm witnessing. I wonder how Bernadette will react after hearing Howard's dress-up idea."

Suddenly, he heard soft giggling outside. Furrowing his eyebrows, he rolled down the window to see what the fuss was all about.

After craning his neck, it was evident that Bernadette had climbed onto Howard's motorcycle with him, and was saying something about "that sexy Battlestar Galactica costume" before the couple drove away.

"Huh ..." Leonard wondered aloud. "Sexy Battlestar Galactica outfit ..." His memory was triggered.

_"I bought her this cosplay-"_

Widening his eyes, he realized that that very costume was the topic of their discussion. A not-so-pleasant image popped up in his mind.

"Ugh!" He removed his glasses and proceeded to fiercely rub at his eyes. "That perv!"


End file.
